I’m sorry we have been at war, sorry I have been a jerk, and sorry I have been ignoring you even when I know you are right.
I’m sorry that I think I am miss healthy diva and representing my name wrong, I guess we all can be blind sometimes.
I’m sorry that I feel like I need to work out daily to find happiness and to have my high I get from it daily, damn that high is my drug and it is not good for me right now.
I’m sorry I thought I was properly fueling you, I guess maybe I am not and this is why you are not giving me my period.
I’m sorry I have let this just linger on and pretended that with no change that things would magically get better.
I’m sorry body because I should love, honor, and respect you every single day. You are the only body I will have and I am grateful for all you do.
I’m sorry that you had to hear the fertility doctor tell me what you have already been telling me, this is why I broke down in tears in his office last week. I was ashamed .
I’m sorry that I have been putting you through this stress and things are going to change, I swear.
I’m sorry body, you are so smart and I hope we can end this war and love each other again just like we did when I was a child. We always had the best relationship then, I never looked at you in the mirror and felt ugly, never cared about feeding you too many cookies, and just felt so free.
I love you body and we are going to be ok. Positivity , strength, and love will end this war.
Friends, please read these words above and know that I am always going to be honest, caring, and loving to all of YOU. We all go through rough times, my rough time right now is the no period issue and it is just a rocky road that I need to push through and will. Nothing is easy in life, the mind is a powerful thing, and being a healthy living blogger can be tough when it comes to this situation.
I love working out, it makes me feel good and I love the tone I get, but I have a hate with it too. I have always been very lean and build muscle SUPER fast, hence very low body fat. I eat but I don’t eat enough obviously to fuel my body and well look where I am right now. I am not underweight but I obviously have some low BMI issue going on.
I talked about this period problem with you guys before, I should of stopped exercising intense all together, I did for about 4 weeks, and then went back at it again. DUMB decision, I set myself back again now and I was eating more fat but “DUH” I was still not eating enough.
Eat more, move less is what I am going for. I obviously can’t find that happy place with properly fueling and working out, so I am going this route and staying positive it will work.
Well I have to say this is mentally tough, I have had a rough time since the doctor appt last Monday. My fertility doctor said he thinks I have Hypothalamic amenorrhea, so therefore I need to cut exercise drastically and gain weight. My only other option is a fertility drug where I give myself shots for 16 days, get blood work every other day during this , and there will be a higher chance for multiple births with that.
I really do not want to go the drug option, I have never been a big “drug” in my body person, plus I do know that there is a 90% chance this is the first thing he said. I am going to go with the no intense exercise and gain weight route, I will follow through this time and we will see from there.
I got blood work done again when I was there, I have some more to get done and Mike has to get some tests done too, just to make sure that he is all good down there too.
My husband has been my savior, rock, and just has been amazing to me through all this. I really am so thankful for him and his love, support, and encouragement. He has been putting up with one bitchy diva, let me tell you, haha!
I have been very irritable, crabby, down, and these are things that I am trying to overcome. You have to understand, working out is a high for me, it is my drug and boom it’s gone. It’s very hard, but you know what? ALL worth it!
I know it will be all worth it, I am grateful that I am alive to have struggles, able to hopefully have a child again, and thankful for my body.
Always keeping the positive in my mind, we all have these tests in life and if you stay strong, positive, and grateful, you will get through it.
Thanks to all of you for listening and I hope I might help a reader or two out there that is going through a similar thing.
DON’T ever think it is normal to NOT get your period and NEVER mask it with the birth control pill. Please listen to me when I say that. I do not care if you are 18, 20, or whatever age and if you are far from thinking of having a child. Not getting a period is not good, women are supposed to get a period, that is a sign of something wrong if you are missing one and it is not due to pregnancy.
Do not ignore the no period, I wish I could turn back time to when I was 24 and had no period, I would of figured out the problem and changed it. My ob/gyn put me on the pill to bring my period, never once thought to guide me in the right direction, he just masked the problem with the pill. Don’t let that happen to you.
Listen to your body, honor it, and love it.
Thanks for the love and support friends. I was nervous to write this post, I was ashamed, and I was also feeling like I would not be fitting in with the no exercise now besides very light exercise. It is very hard to be in this community when everyone is running, cross fitting, or whatever and I have to sit here and watch.
Guess what though?
I am sitting here doing what is best for MY BODY, and that my friends is pretty damn awesome